Beagles are Dumb Dogs

For my first blog, I am going to say something controversial to all beagle owners out there:  your dog is really stupid.  Personally, I love stupid dogs, so of course I own two beagles myself.  And of course, they are both incredibly dumb, each in their own stupid way.

On pretty much every list of dogs rated by their intelligence, beagles are usually near the bottom.  There's a reason for that: they are really dumb, even for dogs.  If you go on any beagle forum, you will see beagle owners protesting the "misconception" that beagles are stupid.  The most common excuse is that a beagle's strong sense of smell leaves the dog so distracted that it is effectively incapacitated.  But just because the beagle can't follow any commands, learn anything, or problem solve whatsoever, they're bred to only smell all the time, so they must be secretly intelligent.  Don't fall for this line of thinking.  Beagles are dumb dumb dumb, and you should love them anyway.

Case in point, below is my beagle Ducky after I've told her to "sit".  This is the easiest command for any dog to learn.  However, Ducky translates "sit" as, "roll around in spot where something died last month."

Living in downtown Seattle, you would think my beagles would really take advantage of the urban dog park where they are free to roam with other dogs and get some exercise.  It would be nice if they could get some exercise without me having to walk to them 5 miles every day.  So rather than play, they just sit on top of a play thing and stare at all the other dogs like they own the place.  Here is a pic of them refusing to leave their dog park thrown:

Beagles are also huge chow-hounds.  They will eat anything, but their favorite foods are grass, dirt, and vomit.  They like to eat pretty much anything but actual dog food.  When I'm eating dinner, they hide behind the couch plotting the right moment to steal whatever I am eating.  They think they're being sneaky, but clearly their cover is blown:

So in sum, don't let beagle owners fool you.  They are dumb as rocks.  But that also makes them fun as hell to own.  Oh, and they're also chick magnets, so if you're single, you should seriously consider getting one.